I have always wanted to accomplish something really great, like something that matters and changes people - and our world. I've held this dream for so long I can't remember when it began.
This dreams walks with me wherever I go. It is a constant partner. The thing is I don't know the specifics of the dream - like what is the thing I do that makes a difference? And how do I know when I am doing it? And what form does it take? Is it through writing, movement, teaching, art, collaboration?
I don't know. But this dream calls to me nonetheless.
I do know that I want to write a book, one that maps my life and winds its way through the hills and valleys of trauma, heartbreak, shame, courage, and self-love.
I know that I love to teach and want to have a platform where I lead, guide, teach, and support others.
I also know whatever I do it needs to meld art, movement, writing, and teaching together in some way.
But here’s the thing, I hold myself back and I hold myself in over and over again. I feel this everyday. I want to share myself….my voice, my thoughts, my ideas, my strategies, my process...but I am so damn scared to get it wrong.
My dream calls to me as the sun spreads across the sky and as the moon reflects my light, and yet I stay and I shrink. Everything around me is encouraging me to rise but I round my shoulders, bow my head, and get busy doing the things that are safe, the things that keep me in one place.
I’m so scared.
I don’t believe in myself, fully.
I hear this thought singing like a chorus in my mind, “I don’t trust myself”.
I am scared to get it wrong and I am scared to get it right.
I worry that I don’t have what it takes. And what if I get it right but then can’t repeat that success ever again?
What if I make a fool of myself?
What if I do it wrong? This is the constant thought.
So I’m asking myself questions like “why don’t I believe in myself?” and “when did I stop believing in myself?”. Because we are all born believing and trusting in ourselves but then things get rewired, by our upbringing, environment, society, etc.
Where did my self-belief go and how can I get it back?
This is my project. This is my quest.
This is what I’ll be tracking here.
In this blog, I will be recording my process, questions, answers, learnings, and aha’s as I traverse across my fears toward my dream and toward myself.
I hope my writings make you feel less alone, give you insight into your life and process, and make you laugh (because soul-searching doesn’t require seriousness, only curiosity and wonder!).
Thank you for being here.
With a brave heart,
You will be the first to know when I offer workshops and programs plus discounts that only YOU will have access to.
This is the beginning of something truly wonderful.
I am so glad you are here.